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How to find true love on alarena.com
So you have decided to fill out a profile and find potential life partners on alarena.com?
There are five key steps you must follow in the process of creating and using your profile successfully:
This may sound cliché but it does so for a reason. There is a fundamental kernel of truth to it. It is a critical part of the process of creating a profile that truly represents you, beyond your photo and hobbies. It is important to understand yourself, your ambitions, both personal and professional and what values you wish to lead your life by. This part is between you and you so be honest with yourself. Celebrate your strengths and acknowledge your shortcomings.
Based on your life values and a deep understanding of yourself, you will be able to list on a piece of paper, the key attributes you are looking for in a mate. At first, your list may seem shallow but remain focused and you will soon get at the fundamental traits that will complement yours well. This list may be longer than what you will need to include in your profile but keep it for yourself as a reference point for when the expressions of interest start pouring in.
Knowing what you want is critical but equally important is the ability to communicate it clearly. Avoid ambivalent or downright contradictory statements and choices as you fill out your profile. Don’t be shy about who you are or what you want. State it simply. The right match will come along.
- Be focused in assessing expressions of interest
You may think it’s all over once you have clarified your understanding of yourself and clearly communicated that which you seek. But the toughest part is in remaining disciplined and focused as interest is expressed and you start to meet various people on alarena.com. In order to identify your life partner, you will have to tune out the various voices of friends, the media and miscellaneous influences to zone in on the person who will be the right match for you. In the midst of all the things going on around you, you may find it challenging to see him or her clearly. One way to remain focused is to often consult your list.
Finally, though you are on a serious quest that will alter your life forever, there is no reason it can’t be a fun quest. Don’t hesitate to add your quirky hobbies and other fun pursuits to your profile. Enjoy browsing on alarena.com and learning about other people. Do not hesitate to express interest in other people and get to know them. alarena.com is your community. Enjoy it!
True love awaits.
alarena.com
Your matchmaker™
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What to explore as you get to know each other at first: Dos and Donts
Once you have found a potential match on alarena.com, you are probably eager to know all there is to find out about that person and to share a lot about yourself. It pays, however, to proceed thoughtfully. The point is not only to reveal yourself slowly enough to give the other a chance to digest it all, but also to learn about the other deliberately enough to pay attention to what you are discovering. With that in mind:
Do Discuss
Your Family
Obviously, your family is a large part of what makes you who you are. Don’t hesitate to talk about your parents, your siblings, some facts or memories that defined your childhood. These bits and pieces help the other person form a picture of how the building blocks of your personality were put together over the years.
This family also includes the close friends you have made over the years. As they say, you can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep.
Your hopes and plans for the future
This may include your work and your studies, current or future. Becoming husband and wife is about merging lives so it is important to get a sense early on about whether your lives are even merge-able. This can also help you know more about each other’s ambition levels, desire for learning and general life direction.
Your world views
We live in a world that is more and more interconnected and where we can no longer afford to ignore neither what is happening immediately around us, nor what is happening in other parts of our continent or even the world. This is especially important if the two of you live in different parts of the country or even countries apart. It is important to exchange your thoughts on these matters since you potentially are looking at building a life together in that world.
This usually will also reveal some of your key values with each other.
Your Spirituality
Even if you do share a single faith, it is important to approach each other with the intention of learning, not preaching. A spiritual life goes beyond religious rituals and entails a vibrant internal life and practice. To share that is a delicate process and you should take it one step at a time.
Your work
Whether you are passionate about your job or not, it still takes up most of your day and therefore is a big part of your life. Feel free to again learn about each other’s jobs, the great aspects, the challenges and what future, if any, it holds for you.
Hold off on
Your past relationships
To reminisce fondly about how great they were makes the other wonder why you are out of them and to badmouth your exes always makes you look bad. So the best route is the road of postponing that conversation.
Your terrible boss or job
Even if you are experiencing frustrations in your work, complaints are generally unattractive, especially if you have no plans to address the situation. It just makes you come across as a whiner when you are trying to project confidence and a winning attitude.
True love awaits.
alarena.com
Your matchmaker™
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Revealing Yourself and Discovering the Other: Dos and Don’ts
Now that you have connected on alarena.com, you are entering the dance that entails both revealing yourself and discovering more about the other. Here are a few tips that can help you on that road.
Do listen
When we talk about listening, we are not talking about the type where you pretend to listen while dying to jump in with your own story. Self-centeredness is rarely attractive and you will leave the other with the impression that they are simply not interesting enough for you.
Listening can be done both online and in person. If you are exchanging messages, make sure you read his or her messages carefully. If they reveal an interest, make sure you follow up and ask them more about it in your reply.
If you are talking on the phone or in person, practice focusing your attention on what the other person is telling you. In those first few months of getting to know each other are all the kernels that will fully reveal themselves later. So you’d better be paying attention.
Do share
Don’t let all that listening keep you mum. The other person does want to get to know you as well (if they only want to hear the sound of their own voice, well at least you found out early on!). Don’t hesitate to talk about the things that interest and move you. Do share your childhood memories, your dreams for the future. It is putting those pieces together that will give the other a full picture of who you are and why you are the way you are.
Do ask questions
If you are indeed listening carefully and paying attention to your gut feelings, the other may say or do something that elicits questions in your mind. Don’t hesitate to ask and clarify. The sooner you discover things, the better. Often, we discard our gut feelings in order to remain nice or not risk losing the other person. Have no fear. You want whatever the truth to come to the fore as soon as possible.
Don’t interrogate
There is a difference between asking questions and interrogating someone while going through a mental list your are using to check off items. The former has a natural rhythm to it that makes the other person feel your genuine interest. The latter feels like a job interview. And don’t think you are being subtle! So let the conversation take on a natural flow knowing that the right opportunity will come along to discover more about the other person and get your questions answered.
Don’t be cynical
If you have had bad relationship experiences in the past, make sure you have learned from them whatever lesson was meant to come from them. Don’t use them to oppress the next man or woman who is trying to get to know you. Some people use those stories to attract attention or pity and get to a point where the bad experience defines them. That will only turn off the next good person who comes along and genuinely wants to get to know you.
True love awaits.
Alarena.com
Your matchmaker™
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Best Gift Ideas
As you have gotten to know each other, you have exchanged countless messages and even gone a few outings together. As time goes by, you also stumble open key dates in the calendar, whether it is her birthday or Christmas or Eid. On those occasions, you have probably scratched your head for ideas of gifts to give. Now is the time to use all that information your brain stored while you were discovering the other person to make the right choice of gift.
In case your powers of listening and observation are still to be strengthened, don’t despair! Here are a few suggestions that could make your lady or gentleman very happy and appreciative indeed.
For Her
Jewelry never gets old! Whether you gain or lose a few kilograms, it always fits so it is understandable that the ladies love their baubles. The nice thing about a piece of jewelry is that there is also one at every price level and it can be something special for your lady to wear forever and be reminded of your kindness (and good taste!).
Instead of clothes, 1 or 2 pieces of fabric (be it Ankara, Wax, Linen or Lace) can be a wonderful choice, again one available at different price levels. In addition, it leaves the recipient with the opportunity to display her creativity and craft something in accordance with her style.
For the lady who appreciates and uses technology, a practical gadget such as a phone or a PDA is always a wonderful gift that also doubles as a good excuse to be even more in touch with each other than before.
For Him
Men are often very focused on their occupations, be they students or businesspeople. So giving him something to take along in the course of his day or travels can be a nice way of staying on his mind while he’s not online chatting with you or spending time with you. A few suggestions are: a nice pen, a work or computer bag, an organizer (a paper one for the few who insist on still writing it all down and an electronic one for the technophiles).
We are often wrong to think that ladies are the only ones who appreciate fabric and clothing. A few well cut shirts or a well appointed caftan can go a long way towards making him look good while thinking of you.
True love awaits.
alarena.com
Your matchmaker™
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Money, Money, Money, Money
First and foremost, alarena.com is most interested in your safety and does its utmost to keep 419 types away from our community of honest, hard-working people looking for true love. So we urge you to stay vigilant and immediately stop communications with anyone trying to:
Sell you something Ask you for money
Ask you to help them cash a check or receive a wire transfer
Any other form of transaction where someone is trying to acquire your trust to eventually access your wallet
These requests for cash can go both ways, coming from men and women.
Beware of anyone trying to use our community to solicit clients for the oldest profession in the world. Report any such behavior right away to customerservice@alarena.com.
In the context of getting to know someone you have met on alarena.com, we urge you to be careful about letting money play a big role in your relationship before you have even had a chance to really get to know each other.
Walking a life path together is not about finding a sugar mommy or sugar daddy. Ultimately, if the match is right, you will come to share resources but early on, let the focus be on showing you are interested and you care in ways other than financial.
As the relationship progresses, there will obviously be opportunities to meet and spend some money eating out or enjoying other activities. There will also be occasions when presents would be appropriate and welcome. These are all times when spending money will seem natural and you will do it gladly and the person receiving will be very happy and grateful. Again, it is all about taking your time so things take on a natural and meaningful flow and nobody ends up feeling like an ATM machine.
Ask you for money
Ask you to help them cash a check or receive a wire transfer
Any other form of transaction where someone is trying to acquire your trust to eventually access your wallet
These requests for cash can go both ways, coming from men and women.
Beware of anyone trying to use our community to solicit clients for the oldest profession in the world. Report any such behavior right away to customerservice@alarena.com.
In the context of getting to know someone you have met on alarena.com, we urge you to be careful about letting money play a big role in your relationship before you have even had a chance to really get to know each other.
Walking a life path together is not about finding a sugar mommy or sugar daddy. Ultimately, if the match is right, you will come to share resources but early on, let the focus be on showing you are interested and you care in ways other than financial.
As the relationship progresses, there will obviously be opportunities to meet and spend some money eating out or enjoying other activities. There will also be occasions when presents would be appropriate and welcome. These are all times when spending money will seem natural and you will do it gladly and the person receiving will be very happy and grateful. Again, it is all about taking your time so things take on a natural and meaningful flow and nobody ends up feeling like an ATM machine.
True love awaits.
alarena.com
Your matchmaker™
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Practical tips for an effective profile
You have browsed through alarena.com and found some profiles that might be a good match for you. So you have decided to join our community. You Are Welcome!
However, as you fill out your own profile, please keep in mind these 5 tips to ensuring your profile is as effective as it can be.
#1. Spelling
Your profile will predominantly be made up of words so it is critical that they be spelled right. "I am a univasity graduat with a degri in enginering" does not quite do justice to all the hard work you have put into becoming an accomplished engineer. First impressions matter so please do take the time to reread your entries, use spelling check functions as you write. In addition, avoid writing your entire profile in sms speak. People who are not as fluent in that new language often find it difficult to keep reading profiles. You may lose an opportunity for a match based on a simple act of miscommunication.
#2. Photo
A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. That’s about a 2-page essay so please choose your picture (s) wisely. Profiles with pictures get 10 times the level of interest given to picture-less profiles. So we do encourage you to upload at least 1 photo. Do choose a picture with the following characteristics:
a. It is a picture of YOU and you only. No group photos.
b. It shows you clearly in a well lit environment
c. It is not offensive
d. It shows a good representation of your self and your style
#3. Essay
When the time comes to write about yourself, do not hesitate to take the time to write a few words. It is certainly easier to fill out the parts of the profile that only require that you click a few times but taking the time to pull together a few thoughts about yourself is the first opportunity to reveal a bit more about YOUR voice. Write a little bit about your interests, the things you are passionate about, your work or your studies, your hobbies. Don’t write what you think other people may want to hear, focus on who you really are.
#4. Safety
As much as alarena.com may invest in being protective of the online community, it is important that each member remain vigilant so don’t include your contact details or address in your profile. Trust your instincts when you think someone is sharing inaccurate information with you. Take your time before agreeing to meet anyone and when you do for the first time, make sure it is in a public place during the day.
#5. Editing
You are a dynamic being with many things going on in your life. A daily newspaper could be published about all the things you do so why should your profile remain static? Come back to your profile periodically and edit or refine your entries. That way, you can be assured of achieving the best matches for you.
True love awaits.
alarena.com
Your matchmaker™
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Fun first dates
You have found a potential match on alarena.com, someone you would like to get know better. You have been communicating for a while now and have decided that the time has come to meet. What do you do? Where do you go? First and foremost, think about your safety so pick a place that will have plenty of other people and make sure your first date takes place during the day.
Here are a few ideas:
Stroll through a park
Walking through a park has the advantage of providing (in addition to exercise) an opportunity to run into people, see things and activities that can feed your conversation. It is affordable and if accompanied by ice cream, can take us back to some childhood wonderful memories that we can share with our date. Millennium Park in Abuja is a good example.
Get something to eat
Always a worthwhile activity, getting a bite to eat together can be fun, intimate and revealing all at the same time. You can discover likes and dislikes and take notes on table manners. Sitting down also gives you an opportunity to engage in a real conversation. We would suggest a casual place and of course, lunch, brunch or coffee would be perfect.
Not so great ideas !
A movie or a club
Going to see a movie or dancing at a club are perfectly fun activities but we believe that they should be reserved for later dates. The reason is that being in an environment where you can barely hear each other or one that requires that you stay quiet makes it difficult to grab a chance to talk and get to know each other better.
A group date
Once again, this is your first chance to spend time together face to face so don’t make it more difficult by bringing your friends and siblings along. We understand you may be nervous but you must give each other a chance to talk and connect. The presence of other people will distract both of you and the date may end without any meaningful conversation taking place between the two of you.
True love awaits.
alarena.com
Your matchmaker™
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